Freewheelin' Pilgrim

The Ramblings and Misadventures of a Wayward Gentleman

Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

MarkGable’s Golden Age Zoo

with 113 comments

Step right up folks, and welcome to MarkGable’s Golden Age Zoo! Here, all your favorite stars from the golden age have been transformed into their wildlife counterparts!
Thanks, as always, to the wonderful Carole Irene of Golden Age Dames for the inspiration!

The Lion- Clark Gable

The King of Hollywood has become, of course, the King of the Jungle! But that’s not all, the Lion, like Gabe, has a dominating presence, an aura of importance and a ferocity which not many could match.

The Elegant Cat- Carole Lombard

Ok, so I WAS tempted to make Carole a lioness, but that’s too easy. So I made her a cat. Cats, like Carole, instantly convey an elegant personality. But also, and perhaps more importantly, they have a playful, fun side to them.

The Squirrel- Jack Benny

The Squirrel hoards his food. Jack Benny (in his radio persona) hoarded away his money. Both also have a fondness for chattering away happily and being generally amusing.

The Koala Bear– W.C. Fields

Chubby, and kind of sweet-looking, the Koala Bear is naturally W.C. Fields. Koalas are also more or less permanently drunk from their diet of eucalyptus leaves.

The Badger– Spencer Tracy

The Badger. Kind of an approachable animal, hey? Keep to themselves, don’t cause much fuss, and generally a pleasant little creature. But when something bothers them or they’re provoked, they’re a different story and become fierce. Just like Spence.

The Bush-Baby- Myrna Loy

Cute with wonderful eyes. Pretty much describes both Myrna Loy and the Bush-Baby!

The Canary– Jean Harlow

Best known for two things, it’s distinctive sound and it’s bright yellow color. Jean had a very distinctive speaking voice and whilst she wasn’t yellow exactly, she was platinum blonde which is close enough! Both are also tiny and cute.

The Bloodhound– Humphrey Bogart

The Bloodhound is renowned in police circles as being the dog who always gets it’s man. Bogie in his films (or the majority at least) always got his man too. Both also look kind of sad.

The Pigeon– Cary Grant

Honestly, this was Carole’s idea. I have no idea how it clicks. I guess there’s a certain vague resemblance…

The Wolf– George Sanders

Ferocious, brooding, lurking and exuding an aura of menace. The Wolf is just like George Sanders’ screen persona.

The Boar- Wallace Beery

Large, gruff, fierce and very intimidating, the Boar not only has the same fiery personality as Beery. He also kind of looks like him haw haw haw!

The Anglerfish- Marie Dressler

*sniggers* Nuff said.

The Kangaroo– Errol Flynn

Distinctly Australian, muscular and pretty darn tall. How could Errol be anything BUT a kangaroo? Plus the one in the picture is boxing 😀 Like Errol!

The Lemur- Joan Crawford

Like the Lemur, Joan has very distinctive eyes and is quite lithe. But instead of being a Bush-Baby with a plain bushy tail, Joan is the Lemur with an elegant striped tail.

The Chimpanzees- Groucho, Harpo and Chico Marx

Does this really need explaining?!

The Flamingo– Rudolph Valentino

This one’s for Carole: The Flamingo is the most effeminate looking animal in the world. Rudy was a pink powderpuff 😉

I had a whole HEAP more, but for the sake of keeping it short and sweet, I removed them. I hope you enjoyed the animals which made the final cut!

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Written by Gypo Nolan

March 12, 2011 at 9:02 pm

Posted in Golden Age Stars, Humor

The Famous Cigarette

with 171 comments

Howdy!

Some of you may not know that I am a smoker. I love to smoke cigarettes, cigars and most of all my beloved pipe (I am the only 20 year old I know who smokes one!). However, much to my dismay, there is a stigma attached to smoking and smokers. Namely, when someone enters the room smelling slightly of tobacco (mmm-mmmm!), people run for the hills crying “UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!”.

Soooo in defense of smokers everywhere, I thought I’d post images of Golden Age stars enjoying a cigarette and try to bring some of the glamor back into our Diva Nicotina.

Apologies to D.D.C.I 😉

First on the list is Humphrey Bogart who is perhaps the patron Saint of cinematic smokers, consuming 3-4 packs of cigarettes a day. His female counterpart in cinematic smoking would have to be…

Joan Crawford, a picture of elegance with her cigarette. Joan starred in Today We Live in 1933 with

Gary Cooper. According to Elinor Glyn, Gary Cooper had “IT”. He also looks very dapper with his cigarette. Someone else who had “IT” was…

Clara Bow. Clara was in fact the “IT” Girl. If there had been an “IT” Boy, it surely would have been…

Rudolph Valentino! The original movie-star sex symbol! Another famous sex symbol smoker was…

Cary Grant! But Cary didn’t just stop at cigarettes, oh no. He also loved to smoke a pipe! Cary was hassled by the British Foreign Office for not immediately enlisting in the British Army at the start of W.W.II., as was…

Sir Laurence Olivier. Olly enjoyed a cigarette, as did his wife…

Vivien Leigh! Doesn’t she look stylish with her long cigarette holder? Vivien is best remembered for her role of Scarlett O’Hara in the classic Gone With The Wind. However, the author of the novel, Margaret Mitchell, really wanted…

Miriam Hopkins for the role. Miriam had a particularly bitter rivalry with…

Bette Davis. Another person to have a rivalry with Bette was…

Errol Flynn. As you can see, Errol is looking very suave with his pipe. Another person who enjoyed a pipe was…

Clark Gable, who also smoked cigars and cigarettes. You can just picture Ol’ Gabe lounging around in his ranch, lighting up a cigarette before leaning over and lighting…

…his lovely wife, Carole Lombard‘s. Carole got her start in Mack Sennett comedies, as did…

Charlie Chaplin. Chaplin was born in England, but came to America and made it BIG in comedy. Another person with a similar story was…

Bob Hope. Hope was one of the last Great American icons of the Golden Age, along with…

Jimmy Stewart. Jimmy starred in a remake of The Big Sleep. The star of the original was…

Humphrey Bogart! And so we come full circle! I hope you have enjoyed my little trip down a cigarette-butt littered Memory Lane 🙂

AND HAPPY 100TH BABY JEAN!

Written by Gypo Nolan

March 3, 2011 at 11:59 pm

Posted in Golden Age Stars, Humor

MarkGable’s Super Special Gang

with 164 comments

Taking a leaf from my good pal, the dame to end all dames, Carole Irene, I decided to make my own “clique” of classic movie actors. Only we would be a gang, and not a sissy clique 😉
Apologies to Carole Irene for “politely pilfering” her original idea. Imitation is the finest form of flattery after all 😛

The Leader- Clark Gable

He wasn’t called “The King” for nothing! He had a natural dominance and a very imposing presence. The type of guy that would walk into a room and everyone would take notice. Apparently Gabe was quite adventurous in his schooldays, and this spirit of adventure carried on throughout his life. He dominated the Hollywood box office for years, so it’s only natural that he’d become the de facto leader of our little gang!

The Muscle- John Wayne
  

Being a gang of rough ‘n’ ready boys, we’d doubtless have encounters with rival gangs from the other side of town. So who better to back us up than the roughest, readiest fella of ’em all: The Duke. The guy was 6’4 and about 280lb of solid muscle and there are many anecdotes of The Duke flooring guys with a single punch. John Wayne would have our backs in any scrape! He’d also be the type who everyone is scared of when drunk 😉

The Pretty Boy- Cary Grant

 Even people who don’t like classic movies seem to know who Cary Grant is. And chances are if they’re female, they’ll talk about him with love-struck eyes. Girls my own age still think he’s “gorgeous”. So who else could fill the role of the group’s pretty boy, the one who always seems to have a different date every night and whose success with the opposite sex is guaranteed. Most of the gang will likely be jealous, and thus suspect Cary of being queer 😛

The Goody Goody- James Stewart

Jimmy Stewart was just so good! I’ve never heard of him ruffling anyone’s feathers, everyone adored him and he was just an all-round nice guy! He’d be the conscience of the group, always hovering behind us and offering advice. Can’t you just picture him as being the one saying “Gee whizz fellas, I’m uh, I’m not so sure that’s such a great idea!”? Others would think he’s a square, but all the gang would love him!

The Funny One- Bob Hope

 Bob Hope is the funniest man to draw breath. There I said it. Unlike modern comedians, Hope never railed against anything or anyone, he was never malign and he was consistently hilarious for 80 years. He’d be the class clown, always ready to offer a wise-crack in any situation. More importantly, as the Funny One, he’d be able to defuse tense situations with his perfect comic timing. Oh, and he’d keep us constantly clutching our sides!

The Over Dramatic One- Laurence Olivier

A lot of people consider Lord Olly to be the greatest actor ever. But anyone who has seen ANY of his films will know just how darn serious he was! It’s been said that if he smiled, parts of his face would crack and fall off. He seems more than qualified to be the one in any group that would bemoan the smallest of inconveniences, quote Shakespeare, and guilt trip the rest of the gang into attending all the school plays just to see him in it.

The Rebel- Errol Flynn

Forget all these pansy wannabes in today’s cinema, Errol was THE original Hollywood Bad boy! He took his swashbuckling roles straight from the screen and made them reality. Errol would be the one in the gang who brings along his father’s alcohol in his drink bottle to share during breaks. The one who sits at the back of the class drawing lewd pictures and shooting spitballs, and the one who suggests skipping gym and going behind the equipment shed to smoke cigarettes.

The Best Friend/Confidant- Spencer Tracy

There’s something about Spence that inspires trust. Sure, he had an affair for nigh 30 years, but, hey, he didn’t divorce his wife! Spence’d be the one who would be a bit of everything: Wild and rebellious, yet sensible, trustworthy and fun. He’d be the guy that everyone in the gang would consider their best friend and the one who would be everyone’s first stop when faced with a problem, and he’d be the one who you could always rely on.

Written by Gypo Nolan

February 28, 2011 at 4:55 am

Posted in Golden Age Stars, Humor